portfolio of speeches
contemporary
HARPER
People who are lonely, people left alone, sit talking nonsense to the air, imagining... beautiful systems dying, old fixed orders spiraling apart... When you look at the ozone layer, from outside, from a spaceship, it looks like a pale blue halo, a gentle, shimmering aureole encircling the atmosphere, encircling the earth. Thirty miles above our heads, a thin layer of three-atom oxygen molecules, product of photosynthesis, which explains the fussy vegetable preference for visible light, its rejection of darker rays and emanations. Danger from without. It's a kind of gift from God, the crowning touch to the creation of the world: guardian angels, hands linked, make a spherical net, a blue-green nesting orb, a shell of safety for life itself. But everywhere, things are collapsing, lies surfacing, systems of defense giving way...This is why, Joe, this is why I shouldn't be left alone...
I'd like to go traveling. Leave you behind to worry. I'll send postcards with strange stamps and tantalizing messages on the back. "Later maybe." "Nevermore..."
I'm undecided. I feel...like something's going to give. It's 1985. Fifteen years till the third millenium. Maybe Christ will come again. Or maybe troubles will come, and the sky will collapse and there will be terrible rains and showers of poison light, or maybe my life is really fine, maybe Joe loves me and I'm only crazy thinking otherwise, or maybe not, maybe it's even worse than I know, maybe...I want to know, maybe I don't. The suspense...it's killing me...
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/harper
People who are lonely, people left alone, sit talking nonsense to the air, imagining... beautiful systems dying, old fixed orders spiraling apart... When you look at the ozone layer, from outside, from a spaceship, it looks like a pale blue halo, a gentle, shimmering aureole encircling the atmosphere, encircling the earth. Thirty miles above our heads, a thin layer of three-atom oxygen molecules, product of photosynthesis, which explains the fussy vegetable preference for visible light, its rejection of darker rays and emanations. Danger from without. It's a kind of gift from God, the crowning touch to the creation of the world: guardian angels, hands linked, make a spherical net, a blue-green nesting orb, a shell of safety for life itself. But everywhere, things are collapsing, lies surfacing, systems of defense giving way...This is why, Joe, this is why I shouldn't be left alone...
I'd like to go traveling. Leave you behind to worry. I'll send postcards with strange stamps and tantalizing messages on the back. "Later maybe." "Nevermore..."
I'm undecided. I feel...like something's going to give. It's 1985. Fifteen years till the third millenium. Maybe Christ will come again. Or maybe troubles will come, and the sky will collapse and there will be terrible rains and showers of poison light, or maybe my life is really fine, maybe Joe loves me and I'm only crazy thinking otherwise, or maybe not, maybe it's even worse than I know, maybe...I want to know, maybe I don't. The suspense...it's killing me...
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/harper
BLANCHE
I,I,I took the blows on my face and my body! All those deaths! The long parade to the graveyard. Father, Mother, Margaret that dreadful way. So big with it, she couldn’t be put in a coffin, but had to be burned like rubbish! You came just in time for funerals Stella. And funerals are pretty compared to death. Funerals are quiet, but deaths not always. Sometimes their breathing is hoarse, sometimes it rattles, sometimes they cry out to you, "Don’t let me go!" Even the old sometimes say it- "Don't let me go". As if you could stop them! Funerals are quiet, with pretty flowers. And oh, what lovely boxes they pack you away in! Unless you were there at the bed when they cried out "Hold me" you'd never suspect there was struggle for breath and bleeding. You didn't dream, but I saw! Saw! And now you sit there telling me with your eyes that I let the place go. How in hell do you think all that sickness and dying was paid for? Death is expensive Miss Stella! And old Cousin Jessie, right after Margaret's, hers! The Grim Reaper put his tent up on our doorstep! Stella, Belle Reve was his headquarters. Honey, that's how it slipped through my fingers. Which of them left us a fortune? Which of them left us a cent of insurance even? Only poor Jessie- one hundred to pay for her coffin. That was it Stella! And I with my pitiful salary at the school! Yes, accuse me! Sit there and stare at me, thinking I let the place go. I let the place go! Where were you Stella? In bed with your Polack!
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/blanche
I,I,I took the blows on my face and my body! All those deaths! The long parade to the graveyard. Father, Mother, Margaret that dreadful way. So big with it, she couldn’t be put in a coffin, but had to be burned like rubbish! You came just in time for funerals Stella. And funerals are pretty compared to death. Funerals are quiet, but deaths not always. Sometimes their breathing is hoarse, sometimes it rattles, sometimes they cry out to you, "Don’t let me go!" Even the old sometimes say it- "Don't let me go". As if you could stop them! Funerals are quiet, with pretty flowers. And oh, what lovely boxes they pack you away in! Unless you were there at the bed when they cried out "Hold me" you'd never suspect there was struggle for breath and bleeding. You didn't dream, but I saw! Saw! And now you sit there telling me with your eyes that I let the place go. How in hell do you think all that sickness and dying was paid for? Death is expensive Miss Stella! And old Cousin Jessie, right after Margaret's, hers! The Grim Reaper put his tent up on our doorstep! Stella, Belle Reve was his headquarters. Honey, that's how it slipped through my fingers. Which of them left us a fortune? Which of them left us a cent of insurance even? Only poor Jessie- one hundred to pay for her coffin. That was it Stella! And I with my pitiful salary at the school! Yes, accuse me! Sit there and stare at me, thinking I let the place go. I let the place go! Where were you Stella? In bed with your Polack!
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/blanche
MAY
When we were out there, it was different. Every second. You can't know. The world was on fire. Like I'd been stuck down this well for so long, in the blackness. Just this tiny speck of light way off at the top. And I was reaching and reaching for it but the sides were too slippery, and the light would get further and further away. And all the time, I daren't look below, never, cos of the darkness I knew was under me, case I lost my grip and tumbled right down. Then he came. And we ran. And suddenly the walls burst open and everything around me was burning bright. Like a flame. Can't tell you...I saw it all like I ain't never seen it before. And it was beautiful. The leaves were green. The birds sang. The grass was wet after the rain. The smell of it. The smell of it nearly knocked me over. It was so rich, so strong. And when he'd touch me and hold me and love me, under the moon, under it's fierce light, it was like time came undone and there was nothing before or after, just us. And now. And happiness.
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/may
When we were out there, it was different. Every second. You can't know. The world was on fire. Like I'd been stuck down this well for so long, in the blackness. Just this tiny speck of light way off at the top. And I was reaching and reaching for it but the sides were too slippery, and the light would get further and further away. And all the time, I daren't look below, never, cos of the darkness I knew was under me, case I lost my grip and tumbled right down. Then he came. And we ran. And suddenly the walls burst open and everything around me was burning bright. Like a flame. Can't tell you...I saw it all like I ain't never seen it before. And it was beautiful. The leaves were green. The birds sang. The grass was wet after the rain. The smell of it. The smell of it nearly knocked me over. It was so rich, so strong. And when he'd touch me and hold me and love me, under the moon, under it's fierce light, it was like time came undone and there was nothing before or after, just us. And now. And happiness.
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/may
SOPHIE
I know this isn't the way you're supposed to do it and that is a bit of a worry but I said to myself life's short and if everyone always waits for everyone else to make the first move you can waste an awful lot of time and I know you sometimes watch me sleeping. I know because I am not actually sleeping and you can't deny it, yesterday for instance you were watching me sleeping and I know when we're drinking wine and talking in the sitting room together until two in the morning it's just agony for both of us to go to our separate beds and even if every couple tears each other apart I think we owe it to ourselves to try and grab something that might tear us apart. And I don't see why if we like shopping together, doing the housework together, eating breakfast together, watching old films together, I don't really see why we wouldn't like making love together, because that's something a lot more exciting, it seems to me, than shopping, housework and old films so I'm asking you to marry me in the spring. I know, conventionally I'm not supposed to be the one who asks you but you prefer the unconventional so I'm asking you to marry me in the spring. Or outside, next winter because its conventional to get married in the spring.
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/sophie
I know this isn't the way you're supposed to do it and that is a bit of a worry but I said to myself life's short and if everyone always waits for everyone else to make the first move you can waste an awful lot of time and I know you sometimes watch me sleeping. I know because I am not actually sleeping and you can't deny it, yesterday for instance you were watching me sleeping and I know when we're drinking wine and talking in the sitting room together until two in the morning it's just agony for both of us to go to our separate beds and even if every couple tears each other apart I think we owe it to ourselves to try and grab something that might tear us apart. And I don't see why if we like shopping together, doing the housework together, eating breakfast together, watching old films together, I don't really see why we wouldn't like making love together, because that's something a lot more exciting, it seems to me, than shopping, housework and old films so I'm asking you to marry me in the spring. I know, conventionally I'm not supposed to be the one who asks you but you prefer the unconventional so I'm asking you to marry me in the spring. Or outside, next winter because its conventional to get married in the spring.
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/sophie
SARAH
Look, this is...I've been struggling with this for a long, long time. I have. I thought I was fine, I thought I was making progress until I got that job at Lancaster. I thought I was fine. But then I had to move to Chicago and I don't know. Everything seemed different. All my new-found self-awareness and societal insight and...and all that crap, all that crap just flew out of the window. So quickly. Because in the abstract, black people were fine. But in reality, they were so rude. And it wasn't my first exposure, you know, to a black population. I'd lived in a big city before. But my relationship with them was different this time. They weren't serving me any more. I was serving them. Yes. I shouldn't have been there and I knew I shouldn't have been there and I occasionally apologised for being there. But I still thought I could do a good job. And then I met the students.
Beat.
And they were all black. Of course. And some of them were great, and some of them were okay and some of them were pains in the ass, and some of them were awful. They were so loud, and I couldn't understand a word they were saying, and they would glare at me, and if I didn't get out of their way they ran me over. They pushed me aside. And so I tried to tell myself. Now I know how it feels, I said. But you know what? That worked for about a minute. And then I just got pissed off.
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/sarah
Look, this is...I've been struggling with this for a long, long time. I have. I thought I was fine, I thought I was making progress until I got that job at Lancaster. I thought I was fine. But then I had to move to Chicago and I don't know. Everything seemed different. All my new-found self-awareness and societal insight and...and all that crap, all that crap just flew out of the window. So quickly. Because in the abstract, black people were fine. But in reality, they were so rude. And it wasn't my first exposure, you know, to a black population. I'd lived in a big city before. But my relationship with them was different this time. They weren't serving me any more. I was serving them. Yes. I shouldn't have been there and I knew I shouldn't have been there and I occasionally apologised for being there. But I still thought I could do a good job. And then I met the students.
Beat.
And they were all black. Of course. And some of them were great, and some of them were okay and some of them were pains in the ass, and some of them were awful. They were so loud, and I couldn't understand a word they were saying, and they would glare at me, and if I didn't get out of their way they ran me over. They pushed me aside. And so I tried to tell myself. Now I know how it feels, I said. But you know what? That worked for about a minute. And then I just got pissed off.
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/sarah
RACHAEL
Billy? It's me, Rachel. How are you? Good lad. Are you? That'll be good won't it? I'm okay, love. I'm fine. I don't know. I don't think so. Kevin's had a bit of a bad one mate, you with me? No I'm fine. He's just. I hate him Billy. I want to kill him. I think I might. I fucking could. I bet you. No. I won't. No don't worry about that. I'll be fine. I will. I'll be magic. I just wanted to talk to you. I was thinking about ya. Got ya perfume on. I have and all. I like it. It's really nice. Oh, fuck him. I think it's lovely. I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year. I know well. I'm doing it early ain't I? Happy New Year. I know. Happy New Century. Happy New Millennium. It's mental in't it? Listen mate, I'm gonna fuck off. I just wanted to, you know, I just wanted to talk to ya. No I'll be, I'm fine. I'm cracking. Yeah, I know. I love you, Bill. Well I do. I'll see ya later. You have a good night mate. See you later.
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/racheal
Billy? It's me, Rachel. How are you? Good lad. Are you? That'll be good won't it? I'm okay, love. I'm fine. I don't know. I don't think so. Kevin's had a bit of a bad one mate, you with me? No I'm fine. He's just. I hate him Billy. I want to kill him. I think I might. I fucking could. I bet you. No. I won't. No don't worry about that. I'll be fine. I will. I'll be magic. I just wanted to talk to you. I was thinking about ya. Got ya perfume on. I have and all. I like it. It's really nice. Oh, fuck him. I think it's lovely. I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year. I know well. I'm doing it early ain't I? Happy New Year. I know. Happy New Century. Happy New Millennium. It's mental in't it? Listen mate, I'm gonna fuck off. I just wanted to, you know, I just wanted to talk to ya. No I'll be, I'm fine. I'm cracking. Yeah, I know. I love you, Bill. Well I do. I'll see ya later. You have a good night mate. See you later.
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/racheal
SHONA
They're poisoning me. These people here. They are. They've been posioning me since I came here. And not just me - I phoned the health authorities. I told them. Someone has to protect them here. And if it's not true why did they put me in solitary confinement? As a punishment when they found out. You don't believe me. You think it's part of my illness. They put me in solitary confinement last night. It's a room down the corridor. Oh you think it's my paranoia. They locked the door. Why? Nothing but a bed. Piss yourself. Say it's another sign you're ill. Who said I was ill? Did I say I was ill? Do you think I'm ill? How do you know you're not ill? You might be ill? You don't know you're ill. Am I ill or are you ill? You're ill. You're not normal. You're in the league with the devil. They're in the league with the devil. You think I'm in league with the devil - you're ill. They are - trying to see I burn in hell. Look (she shows a rash on a large part of her torso) They did that. Injected it into my blood. Trying to get rid of me. You don't believe me? You're ill. (Pause. Then quiet) Smothering me. Tying me in knots...they are. (She freezes)
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/shona
They're poisoning me. These people here. They are. They've been posioning me since I came here. And not just me - I phoned the health authorities. I told them. Someone has to protect them here. And if it's not true why did they put me in solitary confinement? As a punishment when they found out. You don't believe me. You think it's part of my illness. They put me in solitary confinement last night. It's a room down the corridor. Oh you think it's my paranoia. They locked the door. Why? Nothing but a bed. Piss yourself. Say it's another sign you're ill. Who said I was ill? Did I say I was ill? Do you think I'm ill? How do you know you're not ill? You might be ill? You don't know you're ill. Am I ill or are you ill? You're ill. You're not normal. You're in the league with the devil. They're in the league with the devil. You think I'm in league with the devil - you're ill. They are - trying to see I burn in hell. Look (she shows a rash on a large part of her torso) They did that. Injected it into my blood. Trying to get rid of me. You don't believe me? You're ill. (Pause. Then quiet) Smothering me. Tying me in knots...they are. (She freezes)
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/shona
Dr James.
I was having a tough time, quite a few years ago. I'd broken up from a long relationship I'd been in forever and that was a big decision and I'd lost a parent after a long...time. And I was supposed to be going away for work, a conference, but I didn't know if I could, I'm afraid of flying and I nearly didn't make it. But I did, and that week turned out to be one of the best weeks of my life. Professionally and just, in terms of....fun and new horizons. I met lots of interesting people and got very - you know it was good. And I got on very well with one guy there who was great and funny and a force of real joy in the room. Even though I was a mess - and well he was married - but it was one of those chance encounters that give you hope, because you think god, there are great people out there and they seem to think I'm great and...it felt like - beginnings, you know. So on the flight back I was sat next to another doctor, a woman, and she recognised me and we talked and she knew this guy and she said, oh you didn't sleep with him did you? And I say, no why?! (She indicates through mouthing and physicality that actually she did) So apparently he really puts it around, he's this notorious shag-a-bout on the conference circuit and younger, less astute girls would, you know. And it was strange because it wasn't until then - ....As we flew back I sort of felt something dissolve, in the jet stream, like something got eroded down. And by the time I got back it was dark.
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/dr-james
I was having a tough time, quite a few years ago. I'd broken up from a long relationship I'd been in forever and that was a big decision and I'd lost a parent after a long...time. And I was supposed to be going away for work, a conference, but I didn't know if I could, I'm afraid of flying and I nearly didn't make it. But I did, and that week turned out to be one of the best weeks of my life. Professionally and just, in terms of....fun and new horizons. I met lots of interesting people and got very - you know it was good. And I got on very well with one guy there who was great and funny and a force of real joy in the room. Even though I was a mess - and well he was married - but it was one of those chance encounters that give you hope, because you think god, there are great people out there and they seem to think I'm great and...it felt like - beginnings, you know. So on the flight back I was sat next to another doctor, a woman, and she recognised me and we talked and she knew this guy and she said, oh you didn't sleep with him did you? And I say, no why?! (She indicates through mouthing and physicality that actually she did) So apparently he really puts it around, he's this notorious shag-a-bout on the conference circuit and younger, less astute girls would, you know. And it was strange because it wasn't until then - ....As we flew back I sort of felt something dissolve, in the jet stream, like something got eroded down. And by the time I got back it was dark.
Listen to me at:
https://soundcloud.com/nikica-markot/dr-james